Responsible Citizens! Are they around?

What does it take to be Responsible Citizens? Does one become responsible by going everyday to work, doing great at work and paying taxes every month? Or does it end when one follows traffic rules while driving enroute to office? Perhaps there is lot more than all these ... responsibility means 'owning up'! Be it by having compassion to help a injured puppy on the street or giving way to the ambulance on the street, we become real human beings, not just responsible citizens.

When we drove our Mother to hospital in an Ambulance, I was so upset with people on the road not giving a way though they could have, they had enough space to go to extreme right or left to make a way for the ambulance ... because nothing is more precious than life, whether it is our own people's or anyone else's.

Today too while we were coming to office, it was a sad plight ... seeing an Ambulance struggle to make it's way to hospital ... very very few drivers gave it a way, thankfully our Cab driver was sensitive and sensible enough. Wish everyone makes an attempt to help Ambulance reach hospital well on time!

Loosing My Mother ...

It has been 15 days since I lost my Mother, but even today I feel she is somewhere around and not dead. This thought makes me emotionally secure but I also know, this is just a thought and not reality. Reality is she breathed her last on 26th August in Apollo Hospitals, MICU, Isolation ward ... I still think of those last few days, last few minutes before our Mom passed away.

This entire fear of loosing her started when I got a call on 25th of June, the day Michael Jackson died that 'Mom is in Emergency' from my sister. I rushed to Jayadeva hospital, on my way ofcourse I heard later that it is just a test in Emergency due to breathlessness and she did not have any cardiac arrest. While I sat in auto and I was thinking, suddenly I thought, oh is it like I'll loose my Mom today? On the same day of Michael Jacksons passing away? Wonder why this thought came. Later ofcourse we were all much relieved to see our Mother very much alright, we even had lunch together!

Michael Jackson remained so special in our hearts that his death was the most unpleasant news I ever heard. Today, I sometimes think, did Mom meet Michael Jackson in heaven? And did she tell him that her daughter (that is me) loved his Beat it song the most? Also will she compliment him for his dancing and entertaining abilities? Will my Mom also meet YSR and what will they talk like? Strange, but such thoughts do come ...

This day, 25th of June, I somewhere developed a fear within that anyday I might hear such a news about my Mom too ... and due to this I frequented my visits to her place. I also remember Mummy crying emotionally to see her daughters worried for her ... what a great soul she was! She loved us more than her own life, and she loved me too much. Precisely 3 months after this date, on 25th August she had a cardiac arrest, after which she was revived but declared as brain dead ... and 1 day after this, she stopped breathing.

These 3 months have been a roller coaster ride for Mom, she had many situations of sugar level getting high and feeling breathless. She even fell in my house on the carpet, followed by a unwanted blood clot in her thigh. And everytime I told her, Mom pls go and get yourself admitted for your fluctuating health and pain in your leg, she said 'Let Rayara Aradhane get over, I'll go'. And It's again strange, she visited Rayara Mutt and took prasada, and after this she got Viral Fever. Ofcourse later everything slipped out of our hands, fever lead to low saturation, and then her Kidney complicaiton, respiratory complication and finally cardiac arrest and brain dead. This was the only time she never wanted to go to hospital, wonder sometimes if she knew she was going to die ...

Though I was the one who got her admitted in the hospital on 13th of August, I was the one who heard her speaking last before the Ventillator Support, I was the last one to feed her milk when she craved for 'Saaru-Anna', I was the one who rushed first when she was brain dead after a cardiac arrest ... I was not the one around when she breathed her last! This was something I found very difficult to accept. I reached 7 min after she left us for ever. And I was again in an Auto, thinking if she is alive or dead ... I was listening to her all time favourite 'Chalte Chalte' from Pakeezah.

Post her death, I did not get much time to even cry. I had to be strong on the day her body was brought home ... to give stability to all my nephews and nieces and also keeping my Dad in mind. I saw her face for one last time when they were taking her for to the crematorium. It was a very traumatic situation.

Something within me died when I saw her dead though I told myself, I shall live my life to the fullest, celebrating each day like she did. Everynight she comes in my dreams and converses with us ... this makes me wake up thinking she is still alive, wish she was ... miss her too much!

Where do I "long" to be?

Urban life has many limitations to list. Yes we earn money here, we have opportunity's here, time flies fast and we meet a lot of people but, is this where I long to be? I wonder. As I think where I would feel 'belonged' and 'very happy', what comes in my mind is ...

- It should have been a hill top wooden house of mine, small and warm, where I open my balcony door of my room, walk out to see the great Kanchenjunga! As I watch this magnificent golden hill amidst many snow peak mountains ... I sip a cup of hot coffee!

- Perhaps enjoying a lemonade after soaking myself in essential aroma oils in Bali island, my feet touching pebbles of the water body, my hair flocking a wild flower!

- A roadside tea stall en route to Western Ghats of Karnataka, drizzling rain and I stamp on wet land to pick my cup of tea in a glass tumbler

- A cloudy day, I am at home seeing through the window and observing how my garden flowers respond to wind.

- An Espresso in a street cafe of Amsterdam as sunsets ... an exotic candle lit on my table, I watch people returning home from their work.

Many such imagination's do make me happy. Someday I must experience these

Loosing Tomco ... an experience that has darkened my world

While Tomco and Orangee were our life, every morning we woke up listening to their purring ... every night we slept experiencing their tender bites as they played on our cot, who expected a day will come when this paradise will end? I always want time to stand still when moments are so joyful, like any one would do. Tomco was our baby in every sense, it was special since for months we longed to keep him with us ... Tomco's unique personality attracted us more to it. While Orangee was a normal happy playful kitten, Tomco was lazy, thoughtful, intelligent, arrogant kitten. It had the best look, best eyes, soft voice and a soft body. Never I thought he'll go away from us.

June 2nd started unusually well, I cooked a lot, dressed up quite early to leave to office ... minutes after Srinath left, my driver comes and tells me a shocking truth, he asks me if all kittens are at home ... and that he just spotted a beautiful white kitten dead on the road! My worst fear came true .. it was Tomco. A head injury ... he was no more. I was too hurt to react. After calling out my family, all I thought I must do was arrange a graceful funeral for it. I still chose to go to office, on my way calling Srinath and giving him this very unfortunate news was hell. It's still a mystery how he died. Minutes before he died, I had seen him running to the garden. That day I broke down many times at office, decided to get back home to look after the lonely Orangee.

I wish this never happened. My Tomco was truely a special kitten ... my baby in every sense. I miss him so much that it hurts a lot. Everything is incomplete with Tomco. Orangee misses him more than me I think, he looks for his brother quite often. I pray God that he gives us strength to move on in life. This incident has killed something in me, it has created a void, a darkness that I never wanted. I worry a lot for Srinath ... who was very dear to Tomco, for the first time I saw him so shaken.

Tomco, you'll live in our hearts for ever. Like a star you will shine in the sky ... I want to watch you everyday, remember you everyday. Your naughtiness, your fascinations will be in my memories fresh for ever. I really wish I had you till the end of time ... but then, it did not happen. I am sorry Tomco, I could not save you ... I loved you a lot.

Furr Friends

Finally my dream has come true, I got an opportunity to raise two kittens, who are brothers. One kitten has a history with us, I had picked him up when he was a bit away from mother in another building 2 months back, kept him with me for a day to only leave him back to mother (called Lankini) as he was very emotional. I was waiting for him to grow up, learn more skills from his mother and come back home. This wait was worth. Because I not only got him back, also his brother who was orange color coated. Now, to name them ... we thought of many names but finally ended naming them 'Tomco' and 'Orangy'. In short I call them 'Tom' and 'Orange'. It sounds like 'Tom' and 'Jerry' ha ha!

Both posses distinct looks and qualities ... there are no similarities between them except the fact that they are tom (male) kittens and they are born to parents Lankini (she is very ferocious by nature, thus my neighbours have named her against a Demon) and a Tamarind Tree Tom cat (A gorgeous looking stray cat residing in a resort near by). If Orange looks like his father, Tom looks more like his mother.

Tom has honey colored eyes, looks absolutely beautiful in every angle. He has soft body, soft teeth and also soft paws. I feel he is fragile and needs that extra attention while raising him. He relishes Curd Rice and does not crave too much for meat food products. Per say, he is lazy ... he does not like to burn himself off totally, his energy is well reserved for required activities only. He sits and thinks al ot if what I feel, he is white in color with lot of colorful spots on him and a grey bushy tail.

Orange is a typical kitten who loves to play, has orange coat on white body. He is aggresssive, sharp teeth and nails ofcourse and loves meaty produts to eat. He is very fond of his brother and always wants to play with him. I feel Orange is very creative in his games too. But only thing is sometimes he bites Tom very hard.

My Furr friends are so beautiful that I feel very happy to watch them play and grow. When they are tired they come and just sleep on me purring ... I love that moment. I often thank God for giving me ability to love these cats. Like I have said many times in past, I learn a lot from Cats ... more I see them, more I learn.

Super Sensitive, Super Performances, the movie 'The Reader'

Many movies get released, We watch a few and very few we will like, and perhaps very very few will leave an impact ...

Last night when we watched the movie 'The Reader' this is what I felt. I am not regular at watching English movies. Not sure if it's due to some complex developed during childhood or lack of exposure to the kind of movies made in Hollywood during my growing up days .. but the fact is I watch very few movies made in English. But the one's I have watched have been the BEST. For me to watch a movie, the curiosity has to be built within. Most of the times it's the story line that attracts me, and very few times it's the actor or actress. And I track English movies only when I travel, the only time I have a lot of time to surf channels, the only time I don't have local language channels. Infact all great English movies I have watched while I am alone, while I am on travel.

Promotion or the trailor of this movie 'The Reader' I started watching when I was in Shanghai couple of months back. Instantly I appreciated Kate Winslet in a court trial scene. She appeared so promising. It was my sixth sense that told me she would be the Oscar Winner for best actress and it did turn out to be a fact.

Kate Winslet is so beautiful that people can't see beyond her beauty in the movie Titanic. However, she ended up giving a lot of great performances till date, missed many Oscars. I started liking her 'way', her 'looks' much after the Titanic ... she always appears as a beautiful actress to me who can show vivid emotions on screen.

Thus last night we stretched ourselves to watch this movie.

The Reader dates back to second world war, location is Germany where a young law student gets infactuated with a much elderly woman, a ticket issuing woman in a Tram. Their affair starts off with only physical intimacy, evolves into interesting conversations between the two where Hanna Chmitz (Kate) asks Michael to read all his books before making love. Michael who starts to get emotional with her does everything possible to keep her happy. Hanna lives mysteriously, a loner, a tough woman does not want to reflect her emotions. Once she disappears mysteriously it leaves an impact on young Michael who later moves on studying law. In one of the trials he attends, he finds Hanna guilty of mudering 300 jewish women. She is still the same - tough, straight forward and shows traces of her past when victims say she used to make woman read loudly before being taken to their death. Michael goes through a tough phase watching this. She is convicted for life after she admits her crime. During her days in jail she starts receiving tapes sent by Michael reading all those books he once read for her! This is very well shot. I literally cried in the theatre. She learns to read and write while listening to those tapes. Finally after 20 years he comes to meet her, promising to return to take her out of jail upon her release. But a day before she is released, she commits suicide and leaves a note to Michael ... requesting him to handover an old tea tin and some cash to the only surviving victim among jewish women. Michael completes this task for Hanna and takes his daughter at the end to the grave of Hanna, daughter he has from a divorced wife ... to tell her the story of his affair and relationship with Hanna.

The Reader is a movie to be watched!

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